Thursday, 18 November 2010

Mungosaur, Lord of the Mould

The mouldy pan from Tuesday's blog is still an ongoing issue. However little did I realise that by embarking on this righteous crusade for the equal division of domestic labour I was also placing my family in genuine peril from the malevolent goo which was multiplying inside.

Matters came to a head today and I'm still shaking as I type this blog. I'm only grateful I managed to capture the events on camera, Blair Witch style, so as to share the experience.

There I was this morning, pootling away in the kitchen when suddenly the pan of horror started to make a funny noise. The plate covering the mouldy mess started to move as something seemed to be escaping from inside. I could barely utter a single profanity before out peeped the head of 'Mungosaur, Lord of the Mould'.

Well this is how he introduced himself. I didn't like to assume that his intentions were hostile, and offered him a cup of tea and a custard cream, however he soon made his agenda clear when he answered with a blood-curdling "Mwah Ha Ha!", which as we all know is the universally recognised laugh of a real bad 'un.

He immediately set about spreading his repugnant rot. Everything he touched seemed to die and decay before my eyes. The flowers...

Then the bananas.

But he then realised that pretty much everything else which was edible was already past its sell by date, which seemed to spoil his fun somewhat. So he decided to call on modern technology to assist in a quickly hatched plot to take over the world and then did the 'mwah ha ha' thing again, which to be honest was getting a bit old by now.

Still he had the household worried, so they just hid behind the cushions, whilst making sure that they could still watch Toy Story 2 though the gaps.

This left saving the world down to one plucky little chap known by the imaginative yet literal name of 'Fireman', who had been keeping a beady eye on the proceedings. He may have been short on stature but he had attended a few emergencies in his time and figured that a quick mind could outwit the pestilent fungus-spreader at his own game. Fireman decided to fight fire with fire. The only way to defeat Mungosaur was to find a substance more revolting than that which he was created from.

Fireman followed his nose and identified a strong contender in the form of the youngest householder's discarded nappy and delivered the same to the feet of the vile one.

Mungosaur laughed his evil laugh and sneered in the face of Fireman. "This nappy is no threat to me," he cackled inhaling it's odour appreciatively. Then added; "Mmmm I love the smell of used nappy in the morning. It smells of ....",

but Fireman had already driven away to discuss the matter with his three colleagues, Fireman, Fireman and Fireman.

What could they find that smelled worse than the nappy? They had to think of an object of even more distilled vileness to defeat this heinous creature. After some head-scratching inspiration came in a flash. Of course..........Dad's socks. Objects of such vinegary potency that Mum refused to pick them up in case they took her nail varnish off. Fireman (the original) bravely volunteered for the task. Gingerly he approached Mungosaur with the dreaded item......

Mungosaur's smirk turned to puzzlement....then to terror.......then with a shriek of; "I'm meltiiiiiiiiing........." Mungosaur turned back to the green goo which had spawned him in the first place, and Fireman, Fireman, Fireman and Fireman returned to the Fire Station for a well deserved cup of tea and rich tea biscuit, whilst I hurriedly poured a kettle of boiling water and half a bottle of bleach into the offending pan, then left it for my husband to finish off the job when he got home. After all one has to hold to one's principles.

The End.