Friday, 3 September 2010

Life is Too Short To....?

Whilst I fully agree with Shirley Conran that stuffing a mushroom is no way to while away your hours I found myself further pondering this question at work today as four of my brave, thrill seeking colleagues prepare to tie themselves to a total stranger this weekend and voluntarily jump out of a very high plane with nothing between them and oblivion save a thin piece of nylon which they hope the stranger remembered to pack in his rucksack that morning.

Whilst their motives are to raise some cash for charity I personally believe my life to be too short to risk prematurely ending it in a broken and bloody heap somewhere near an 'x marks the spot', so I will start today's list of 'Life is too Short' activities with this one.
  1. Jumping voluntarily out of a perfectly good working plane.
  2. Ironing. In my experience most creases fall out as you wear clothes, apart from clothes that get very crease'y, and why would you buy those anyway when they will just get all re-creased after you have ironed them? Why would any perfectly sane person iron their children's underwear....or tea towels......or socks. It is beyond me, but I totally respect your crease free existence if you are an iron lover.
  3. Hoovering my wooden blinds, as someone recently suggested to me. Look I know they are dusty but I'm just not going to do it. If you don't disturb the dust it just forms one even layer, and then you can hardly tell it's there.
  4. Make your own pastry. You can buy it frozen and it's absolutely fine. You get all the kudos of creating your own home made looking pies but without the stress of having to have hands at the right temperature.
  5. Have a bikini wax. Admittedly I am not the most hirsuite of people. If I was I may view matters differently. Aesthetically things are far from perfect down there however there are other painfree options for not scaring the more easily shocked swimmers at my local municipal baths. I've had my eyebrows waxed a few times, and all I can say is dear mother of god, what would possess anyone to do that to their lady garden. Hats off to you.
  6. Get cross with my 14 month old girl for refusing to go to sleep just after her daddy had taught her to roar like a lion. Who wouldn't want to spend all evening practising that new found skill?